Why you shouldn’t change your schedule around them

So you finally scored a date with that cutie you’ve been eyeing. They gave you a very limited time that worked best for them—but wait—it’s a time conflict for you! You tell them this and they reply, “Well that’s the only time I’m available.” So what do you do? Do you change your plans to accommodate them or do you move on and wait for another time to come up?
Most of us would change around our schedules for the other person. You think “Well it’s not an important thing, I could miss it” just so you can go on the date with the person of your infatuated dreams.

Think about it though, you told the other person that time didn’t work for you and their response was “oh well that’s when I’m free.” They didn’t even think to change their schedule around you or find a different time that could possible work for both of you, and that’s your red flag.

Yeah they could be the most called for brain surgeon in the world, but if they really wanted to see you they would find time or reschedule for a time that works for both of you.

Let’s say you go on this date after altering your schedule and you hit it off great. The chances the same problem is going to arise with your future dates are extremely likely; one, because you were willing to change things around to accommodate them once so why not do it again, and two, because you like them more now, so why not please the person you like?  This isn’t the right tone you want to set for a future relationship, putting your partners needs above your own constantly can lead to an unhealthy relationship; especially if it’s not reciprocated.

First it’s changing your schedule around them, then its hiding your feelings when things upset you, eventually you’re stretching yourself thin, constantly giving into what they want and what they need. I know it sounds a bit like a stretch but I’ve seen it done countless times with my friend’s own relationships and even with my own friendships.

I’m a people pleaser, and it’s something that took me a while to realize and to stop. You don’t want to be seen as mean or uncaring so you give, give, give and get almost nothing in return. Soon it become as habit, no one expects you to ask for too much and when you do—although it’s more along the lines of asking for your needs to be treated equally—they get upset.

How dare you ask to be given equal treatment when you always wanted to give more!

Maybe you wanted them to be happy and unknowingly spoiled them or maybe you just felt like you had too. Regardless of the reason, you should stop and think about it for a minute. “Are my needs being met?”

I’m not saying you should never change your schedule around someone else, sometimes you really might have too. But unless you are in a committed healthy relationship—or friendship—and you know for certain that they would do the same for you, don’t do it.

Offer to wait for a better time or one of you might find an opening in your schedule that works, and that’s better than skipping out on a movie night with your friends just to go on a date that could leave you wanting to run away from hearing about how much they love cheese.